


Starting Anew

by DeeNotMe



Series: Rain [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, New Beginnings, Rain, i guess it's angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 12:07:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11148078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeeNotMe/pseuds/DeeNotMe
Summary: It's raining.The empty husk of Oikawa Tooru stares out the window, and he remembers something that's stuck with him ever since a rainy day of failures and wretchedness.Rain symbolises a new beginning, doesn't it?





	Starting Anew

It’s raining.

 

Oikawa watches as raindrops splatter on the windows and slide down the glass panes. The wind howls - he can hear it through the thin walls of his house. Cold seems like the best word to describe the world outside, but that makes the house seem just the tiniest bit warmer, even if he was alone in it. 

 

Maybe that’s why you had always liked the rain. White noise makes silence sound less jarring - less empty.

 

He thinks of the times he’d pick up his phone and dial your number, thumbs flying over the screen in a path that has become so familiar over the months. He knows that just scrolling down his contact list and selecting your name would do, but he likes typing in your phone number. Maybe he does that so he’d never forget it. You’d pick up with a laugh that says you know exactly why he calls, even though he never told you the actual reason. 

 

He’s always been surrounded with people; he doesn’t do well when he’s alone. That’s why he calls. Your voice always brightened up his room, after all.

 

Oikawa’s gaze slides to his phone on the table, stopping for just a second on the white flowers on his table before gliding over them. He reaches for the device, already composing a speech in his mind - an excuse for calling even though there has never been a need for one. Or maybe he could just start the conversation with a ‘hey’.

 

He keys in the last digit, but his thumb freezes, hovering over the bright green call button. It’s as if someone’s thrown a blanket over him, and he blinks before almost mechanically moving his thumb over to the delete button and holding it down. Staring at the display as your number disappears.

 

Phone clutched in his hand, he stares out the window, thinking absolutely nothing. For a moment, the world seems to stop, waiting for him to pull himself together. A thought crosses his mind, that maybe it’s better that way, at least it’s not moving on without you. But you probably wouldn’t want it that way.

 

His eyes feel wet when he lifts an arm up and swipes it over them, and he feels… small. Weak. Hollow. It’s so unlike him and he wonders - he screams into the empty space in his mind - where the real Oikawa Tooru went. Maybe he went with you - he went to paradise and left an empty shell in his wake. His fingers travel a different path as he keys in another string of numbers and puts the device to his ear.

 

It goes to his voicemail.

 

Oikawa huffs out a laugh, though it doesn't sound like one at all. Nothing echoes the void he feels inside more than a one-sided conversation, he guesses. At least he could pretend to talk to someone. Or something. Or maybe nothing at all.

 

“Hey, Iwa-chan,” he puts on a cheery voice, though that cheerio quickly fades as he searches for something to say. “Don’t you ever get lonely on rainy days?”

 

There’s nothing coming out of the phone, just silence, and Oikawa hates that, the silence. Oikawa wonders how the wing spiker would answer if he was on the other side of the line. Perhaps he’d laugh at him - at the empty husk he now is.

 

“… You know - I mean, of course you’d know - that match with Shiratorizawa during the inter-high finals? After we went back to school, it was raining, and the three of us didn’t bring our umbrellas, so we just stuck around.”

 

Oikawa vaguely - no, he vividly remembers that day. He remembers how useless he felt, not able to lead their team to victory, not like the captain he wished to be. He remembers watching the rain fall as they sat on the steps at the exit of the volleyball courts, barely under the shelter. He remembers thinking to himself, how fitting it had been for the sky to weep with them.

 

But you had said-

 

“[Name] had said that rain signifies a new beginning.”

 

The words make their way out of Oikawa mouth, slow and shaky. There’s a minute silence, and Oikawa’s staring out the window again. He doesn’t hear anything but the rain and wind. He sucks in a breath of air.

 

“Sorry Iwa-chan, but I got to go…” He pauses, and his gaze shifts to the white daffodils on his table. “Somewhere.”

 

He ends the voicemail, slipping his phone into his back pocket and rising up on legs that feel almost too weak to support him.

 

The bouquet is carefully picked up, cradled in his arms as he grabs his umbrella and slips on his shoes. Then he walks, the raindrops loud as they fall onto the neon canopy he holds above his head, heart contracting painfully in his chest. The outside world is cold, and the streets are silent except for the occasional car. The only thing keeping him company is the rain.

 

Slowly, he nears where you rest, dragging open the heavy gates and placing the flowers on the stone. They’d get wet, but he knew you wouldn’t mind.

 

“Hey [Name]-chan,” his voice - one of a lone soul standing in a silent yard - comes out in a whisper, but his words are firm.

 

He has no way of telling, but maybe it rains just the slightest bit softer.

 

“I... I love you, and maybe I always will," he pushes out words that have always been easy and light to say, and his smile is full of melancholy - longing for something that's already been lost. He closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, he decides to stick to his next words.  
  


  
"But from today on, I’m starting anew, okay?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
